So... I just got my results. And guess what, its successful ! Thank you Allah, so much. Aside from some stuff I've been thinking about, I feel like there's a new road for me to drive thru slowly :)

Anyway, beside the fact that I'm happy and excited about school, I'm actually more worried about something. Unfortunately this feeling is overpowering any other things ;(

I just hope that everything will go by smoothly next year, I hope that it will be a good school year for me, I hope things that happened in the past years won't happen again...

Insyallah .

Why are people so rushing about falling in love and trying to find their 'soulmate' ?

Like, seriously ?

Come on now, life is more than just about 'love' okayy.

SO ! Yesterday I made this !!! NUTELLA HOT CHOCOLATE and damn does it taste goooood !

I was sooo excited when I tried it out last night, my mom helped me out a little bit too. She told me she was curious about how it would turn out. It turned out surprisingly DELICIOUS !

I used the none other than Nutella. Too bad I bought the smallest bottle one. It's ok, next time I'll get the other bigger one.

Anyways, see the white topping on top ? Thats whipped cream ! It added...idk...ALOT of it ! Cos I love anything to do with vanilla. Early today, I made some for myself again .

So yes !

Current wishlist ;

Well, as the image above says, "BELIEVE IN YOURSELF"

I already when the official date for N level results will be released, and that is Monday, 19 December 2011 :)

I am looking forward to this date and the days/months/years after that

...

Holy mackerel ! From wanting to download just one BSB's song, I came across this ! This is the record I had by BSB, and it was the only thing I would listen...11-13 years back ! Ahaha

When I was about 4 or 5, or maybe 6 years old, I listened to them. I was influenced by my brother and my aunty. My brother used to listen to the radio and watch MTV ALOOOT last time, and I was always by his side. That's why I got influenced. Back then when my dad used to have a car, I would always play this record in the car cd player ! Hmmm good ole times !

Anyways, I'm still debating whether to put Office Skills or IMD as my first choice...I can't seem to decide. Half of me wants Office Skills, another half want IMD. There's both good and bad for them, that makes it 10 times harder. Oh god. I don't even know when is the exact that for the release of N level 2011 results. This is not good. Well it looks like I have to keep on the lookout, you know...

ALL DA BEST WANIIII :D

Yesterday, 10 December, was the last Lunar Eclipse for this year. It will come back in 2014. For once, I wished the moon was right in front of my house so that I can just look out window...but NOPE, it had to be way up there. I didn't get to see it until about 1am, I looked out my kitchen window and I saw the moon. It was so gorgeous, even though the eclipse already ended. BUMMER ! I guess I have to wait another 3 years...lol. Its ok.

I only get to see the clear full moon. Its better than nothing I guess ?

Hopefully my plan to go stargazing on Friday will come true. It will be my first. GOSH ! If only I have my own telescope, it will be a DREAM COME TRUE ! I can just stargaze and search the galaxy anytime and anywhere I want ! SOOO FUN ! :D

OHH and lastly, I already made up my mind to go back to school next year. I can't believe that changing of plans can be so easy for me. I am definitely the type of person who changes my mind SO frickin easy. So anyways, insyallah everything will go by smoothly :)

15 December, which is this Thursday, will be the day I have to get ready by my computer from 3pm onwards and make my way through the application !

:)

I was gone for a day yesterday...

Hmmmmm...

It's crazy how within one day, things change, plans change.

From having 1 straight road, to 2 unclear blur roads and then to 2 very clear roads.

I would like to thank my mom for this. Aside from making me feel abit low just now, I figured why not take the good out of the bad ? After all, behind every fucked up day, there's always something good in it :)

So I did...

I have decided to get back up again and do what I need to. Work, earn money. As for SOME people, they only work for themselves. I mean, yeah ,YOU work but you shouldn't think about yourself only. How about family ? I just hope that things won't fall back down again.

For this past 2 years, 2010 and 2011, my life has been confused. Its like this stacked up legos, where with just one hit, everything tumbles. That's how my life has been. It's been a long time since I last felt proud(a good kind of proud, not arrogant shit). It's been a long time since I last felt like I accomplished a mission. I wanna feel that way again. I NEED TO.

Honestly, right now I can't decide whether to school OR work :/

This IS a tough decision. I don't wanna mess up again.

Once I decide, it's like I'm building up the stacked up legos like I did before this. This is fragile. MY decision is fragile, TOO fragile. But I wouldn't mind losing a battle, because why ? THIS IS HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE. THIS IS LIFE. NO ONE'S EVER SAID THAT LIFE IS EASY. We lose millions and millions of battles every single time, no matter how much faith we have in ourselves. Sometimes it's not just about something serious like faith...it's about learning your lessons, having fun, taking chances while you can, drop every fear you get/have and moving on.

I am gonna need just a little bit more time to decide. Half of me says, school. Another half ? WORK. This is hard. It's not surprising though cos I've been in these kind of situations before. Nothing new to me. Right... I just gotta keep my head in the game. Gotta keep my head, my heart and my soul in the game

PERIOD

IF SOMEONE WERE TO GET ME THESE HOTTIES, I WILL LOVE THEM FOR LIFE MAAAANNNN ! THIS IS SMOKINNN HOTTT !

I miss this hairstyle. Its been a year since I last went to the salon to get my hair cut. Oh well...thing you'll do to let your hair grow.

It's a ONE IN A MILLION chance for me to actually get 'the' perfect haircut. This is one of the first. I LOVE every bit of this hairstyle, from the bangs to the volume and of course overall, the way it looks.

Back then, I always get my hair cut every once in 2 months. I don't know, probably because I was too conscious about my hair looking like a damn BUSH !

Then when 2011 came, I decided to grant one of my wish myself, which is to have long hair.

Guess what ? It took me this whole year to actually have medium length hair. MEDIUM ?!

From the length in the picture to medium length hair... isn't it abit too slow ?

YEAH IT IS .

I am sick and tired of the people around, ALL the people around me. Even people I don't really know.

I am sick and tired of people criticizing and ruining someone else's life. I am sick of people treating me so unfairly. I am sick of people giving up on me. I am sick feeling so invisible. I am sick of being just a ghost, a spirit lingering around. I am sick of watching people take advantage of someone else's good heart, and then I am the one here being known as the 'bad guy'. I am sick of people thinking that I am not trying my best, when actually I AM. If I'm not then why the hell would I hold on THIS all this while ?

I AM NOT sick and tired of life. I am just sick and tired of the people around me. I wish I could go to somewhere really far and get away from all these, even if it is just for the mean time, even if it is just temporary. I don't care.

Look what I did to my blog, I glam it up a lil bit, just to give it a little more color and make it look more like myself. Pink and yellow aren't really my thing. I might add in some more colors like blue and green. We'll see how. I wanted to put neon colors since I LOVE neon colors but come to think it, I'd get an eye sore staring at this screen for a while,trying to read. Neon colors are beyond bright. I mean, this is not that bad, is it ? Better than nothing, I guess ? ;P

Yesterday, 2 December 2011, was the first day of my crazy job. Other than those people who were so unsociable, I think that my day went pretty well. Its confirmed, anywhere and everywhere I go,whether its work or school, there's ALWAYS gonna be someone or some people who will have a problem with me. I tried being friendly but people were just too IGNORANT !!! And I'm here too ignorant to actually ignore them. I just hope they'll realize what they're actually doing.

Selling hats at the streets in town...err, I have to say it is SORT OF my last resort. But whatever, really. Although I felt VERY conscious/distracted/ nervous/embarrassed/uncanny and anxious, I had this excitement going on only because I felt blessed as the sellers I'm working with were so fun and outgoing.

I felt conscious because I was so afraid that I might bump into people that I was once associated with. LOL

Distracted because there were so many frickin distracting people all around !

Nervous, who wouldn't be right ? Selling those damn hats in the midst of so many damn crowds.

Embarrassed because I'm afraid that people might think I look idiotic :(

Uncanny, I'd say that the whole atmosphere was weird.

Anxious because I was worried things might go wrong :/

Overall, I had a nice time and luckily the people I had to team up with, were so FUN. Unfortunately, it won't stay this way. The next time before we start work, we have to do this stupid 'lucky draw' bullshit to see where we have to go and who we team up with. That sucks !

Why the fuck can't we just choose our OWN TEAMS. Urgh

Started the whole hat selling thing at 7pm, ended at 10.

And OMG 3 hours went by like frickin, I don't even know how to explain.

It went by SO slow. I can't imagine doing this for 7 hours, even worse, 12 STINKIN HOURS !!

Might be unbearable for me. Even yesterday just for 3 hours, I actually felt a little bit sick when

I reached home.

I can stand long period, but I can't stand at a long period if it's hot and crowded. I'll get panic and I sweat and that cause me to not be cute anymore !!

While I was doing my work, my friend and I saw an old lady sitting down the floor on the side of the walk way. I immediately stopped for awhile, took out my wallet and did whatever was right and I moved on. It sucks to actually see someone do that, go to a very crowded place just to, you know, ask for $$ I guess ? People never gave any attention to the old lady. I sympathize her alot. When I watched her eat, the look in her eyes, her facial expression, its like I can feel part of what she's feeling.

Right. ANYWAYS, and besides that, when I wanted to cross the traffic yesterday, this very very very kind lady beside me offered me to share her umbrella as it was raining. I rejected though, but May God bless her.

Cried when I got back home. If I were to tell people on why I cried, they'd probably either think I'm weird or I'm lame. I cried for a good cause, I did not cry because I think my life is miserable. I cried because I felt so blessed, and also I learnt one thing abt life; No matter how fucked up your day went/is going, there's always at least ONE positive thing that happened/will happen. It takes only you to realize it and appreciate it.

SHOVE IT INSIDE YOUR MIND WANI. SHOVE IT DEEEEEEP INSIDE YOUR MIND.