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Wani . Nineteen and smokeen |
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Life is hard .
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
I was gone for a day yesterday...
Hmmmmm...
It's crazy how within one day, things change, plans change.
From having 1 straight road, to 2 unclear blur roads and then to 2 very clear roads.
I would like to thank my mom for this. Aside from making me feel abit low just now, I figured why not take the good out of the bad ? After all, behind every fucked up day, there's always something good in it :)
So I did...
I have decided to get back up again and do what I need to. Work, earn money. As for SOME people, they only work for themselves. I mean, yeah ,YOU work but you shouldn't think about yourself only. How about family ? I just hope that things won't fall back down again.
For this past 2 years, 2010 and 2011, my life has been confused. Its like this stacked up legos, where with just one hit, everything tumbles. That's how my life has been. It's been a long time since I last felt proud(a good kind of proud, not arrogant shit). It's been a long time since I last felt like I accomplished a mission. I wanna feel that way again. I NEED TO.
Honestly, right now I can't decide whether to school OR work :/
This IS a tough decision. I don't wanna mess up again.
Once I decide, it's like I'm building up the stacked up legos like I did before this. This is fragile. MY decision is fragile, TOO fragile. But I wouldn't mind losing a battle, because why ? THIS IS HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE. THIS IS LIFE. NO ONE'S EVER SAID THAT LIFE IS EASY. We lose millions and millions of battles every single time, no matter how much faith we have in ourselves. Sometimes it's not just about something serious like faith...it's about learning your lessons, having fun, taking chances while you can, drop every fear you get/have and moving on.
I am gonna need just a little bit more time to decide. Half of me says, school. Another half ? WORK. This is hard. It's not surprising though cos I've been in these kind of situations before. Nothing new to me. Right... I just gotta keep my head in the game. Gotta keep my head, my heart and my soul in the game
PERIOD