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Wani . Nineteen and smokeen |
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I am complicated
Saturday, January 28, 2012
I've always been complicated. Sometimes I feel like starting a war with myself. I feel confused all the time, maybe that is why people go in and out of my life. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know what I want. When I already have this, I want that. When I already have that, I want this. Kecohhh ~
Can someone slap me hard in the face so that I'll wake up ? LOL
So anyways...
I've had this special person, that I've known since 2010, but unfortunately we went seperate ways late last year. Way before that, around March, we actually already went seperate ways but we decided to become friends again.
During the months when we were 'strangers', alot of things happened...to him. He got to know someone new and stuff. I was busy with my new job. We still talked though, but not so much so that's how I found out about him and this new girl. So far, he was the only friend that actually sticked with me no matter what. He was patient, too patient. But I was complicated, too complicated ;(
I had too much trust issues. I would blame myself, but at the same time, what he did back then made me lost trust for him.
He made too much disappointments and all that hurt me, so so so badly. I know everyone have been through this phase, but all of them are not the same. The way each and everyone react towards the situation IS different.
So around June last year, he decided to get back to me as friends again. I told him, "Why not?" During that time, I didn't really know exactly what was going on between him and the new girl. So one night, he decide to give me his password and email for Facebook, I went in. And I found out hella shittt, secrets were pouring out ! I cried the whole night.. From there, I decided that maybe we weren't meant for each other, cos things always go wrong, and I really can't hold on any longer. That's when blablabla around end of late last year, we decided to stop contacting.
That's probably 85% of the story told.
Lastly, I think I have to face the fact that, no matter how long I know a person, they will get sick of me over time. Because I have a 'no-one-can-handle' attitude ;) There's gonna be something that makes someone get sick of me over time, although I am dying to have someone that is different and could change the way I see things. Oh welllllll ~